When I was in my early twenties, a female friend of the same age informed me that she – unlike so many others – would never become a “baby moron” upon having kids.
Me: What’s a baby moron?
Her: Oh, you know. Those women who once they have a kid are somehow incapable of talking about anything else. I mean, I want kids, but there’s more to life than how many times a day your kid poops and what they’re eating, and … stuff. When I have kids I’m still going to have my own life!
The comment stuck. I vowed to NEVER become a “baby moron.”
Fast forward about 15 years. I am now a mother of two. About two years ago I was out for the evening having a beer and catching up with a childless male friend from university.
Him: It’s so great that you still go out now that you have kids! So many of my female friends simply disappeared once they gave birth.
Another friend, on a similar evening out, complimented me on my ability – nay, my apparently Herculean achievement – to not just talk about my kids all night.
In both instances, after basking for a moment in the glow of their admiration at my stunning ability to both make it out to a pub for an evening and carry on a conversation that didn’t involve the Nipissing Developmental Checklist, I confessed the secret to my success.
I have a blog.
Welcome to the space where I air my parenting neuroses and celebrate in navel-gazing, painstaking detail all the cool stuff my kids do.
Depending on how the “I have a blog” admission is received, I sometimes go for the double whammy and whip out my blog business card (It’s not a business, but I’ve attended a couple of conferences):
Through this space I find like-minded people who sincerely want to spend just as much time as I do dissecting why my 6-year-old CONSTANTLY reads “li” as “il” or how my 3-year-old isn’t yet developmentally ready to do a back star float.
Through this space I also find people to cheer with me about how it’s just the COOLEST THING EVER that we have encouraged an early love of Guns N’ Roses in our three-year-old and that our eldest once declared that the driver of the sports car who took the parking spot reserved for “parents with young children” was a HOLE.
Why does this help in other parts of my life?
Because, well, funny thing? While friends, extended family and acquaintances are usually good with a quick “How are the kids?” update (Hint: the right answer is Fine! and maybe 1-3 photos if they look REALLY interested), despite how FASCINATING I think it is, they are less interested with, for example, a 40-minute exposé on my daughter’s tummy time trials through first year mapped against my thoughts on a Google search for available research on plagiocephaly.
So I blog about that stuff instead.
Through blogging I found my support network for this stage of life.
Through this space I have received wonderful tips to help my kids with certain hurdles. I have picked up craft, book, game, etc… ideas to keep them busy. I’ve won Barbie movie tickets!
In return, I celebrate the successes and equally provide support and suggestions when needed to my friends in blogland.
This is where I can fully, madly, completely and proudly be a baby moron when I need to let it out, need support, need guidance or simply need to share something about parenting.
Because, I discovered that once you become a parent, you are ALWAYS a parent.
There is no way it can’t be a major focus of your life.
I needed an outlet and place to talk about all this stuff while my professional life carried on. So I found one.
That said, I also don’t think parenting should be the only focus in my life.
So this blog is also about my struggles with figuring out identity, and space for myself post marriage and kids.
Because that changes things.
The blog is about nurturing and finding space for the other aspects in my life that don’t always get enough airtime IRL. Personal goals, music, my love of vampire fiction, ways to make a difference. It’s for working through why I think the way I do about certain things. It’s for challenging me to figure out “the why” in my thinking and life. It’s for writing and creativity other parts of my life don’t allow. It’s about filling in all the parts I need in my life to make me happy.
Why do you blog? I’ve shared here as part of the WordPress Discover Challenge. If you have a moment, surf about the other contributions.
moreatforty speechteach said:
Love this! Although I sometimes enjoy a good moron session with other moms, I totally get what you are talking about. I tend to hate it when colleagues come and say things like, “I’m going to share with you because you get it…” and then launch into a totally uninteresting story about their child and some toy or something. I mean, it is fine to talk about those things, but if that is the only time they come to speak to me, I feel like we aren’t really colleagues anymore and it is demeaning. So, all the non-moms get their professional conversations and I get the toy conversation?
THANK YOU. The mom filter/(over)share connection is certainly another piece of this – and I’m sorry you’ve been on the receiving end of that.
I’m not sure where/how I think about the whole “bonding as working moms” yet because I honestly haven’t gotten enough of it yet. I’ve never had a job where I’ve been the “mom” in the way I think you are describing – ie: the place to go to unload in the way I blog (and they should equally find another better/more appropriate venue). I’ve certainly been on the receiving end of work mom sharing I didn’t really need, but I go back and forth about where some of this falls within networking/building relationships vs labelling of me in a way I don’t want. For example, I’ve wondered about the local professional networking possibilities of my blog. Because I blog, I’ve met professional connections I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’m not sure how that compares to, say, golfing – but it certainly makes me think a bit more deeply about the hobby that I honestly thought would be either a) ignored or b) career limiting.
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Reese Speaks said:
I am proudly a baby moron, both on and off of my blog. I get that some people want to get away from kid chatting, and I respect that. I tend to get my partental shop-talk out with those that I know don’t mind listening.
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I salute your baby-moron pride! I think we are pretty much in agreement here – it’s about finding the right place to really go gaga (so to speak).
And, yeah, that’s why I started blogging. So I could find the space where that would be celebrated.
Yes! Yes! Yes to this!
This also helps me better understand the desire to move away from living on social media which are only snapshots and dig into more of the emotion and the behind-the-scenes of the one or two shots you might get from me.
Soooo good Louise!
Also, a great wedding photo!!!
Digging into the behind-the-scenes – I think that’s the blogging I like best. I like the chance to think and write through the why for me and to also read others doing the same. It’s been a wonderful tool to both consider other perspectives and confirm my thoughts on things.
As for the wedding photo- I’ve always loved that one: waving good-bye to life as we knew it!
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