I got home late last night after working late then running a few errands.
My husband had already put the kids to bed and was, himself, asleep on a couch.
I had that feeling like I’d missed it all.
Because I had.
He’d covered it all on the home front.
Which I do many a time in reverse.
But I didn’t get a chance to do the Brownie badge submission with my eldest.
No time limit.
But my eldest is SO excited about having done her cooking badge.
So we should follow through and submit before she forgets that SHE did it.
And that that’s important and worth celebrating.
And I didn’t get home in time to do that.
So there’s that questioning feeling as to whether – even once in a while – that trade-off is ever really worth it?
No man on his death-bed ever said “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”
Today at work went better for yesterday’s efforts.
And I do feel that what I was able to add and contribute today both helped and mattered.
So with that hat on?
Yes – worth it.
But home matters too. Kids are young once.
Yes, they will always need and love me.
But never quite like now.
And working? Choosing to work? At some stage and level it’s a choice. Something I do for me and my own fulfillment. Not to put food on the table for my family.
Also, I’m fairly certain if my perceptive young kids don’t already know that, they will soon.
So that choice needs to balance with everything else in my life – and everything else that makes my life whole.
I both want to have – and model for my daughters – a successful, fulfilled and happy life.
With all that going through my head as I got home last night, I got through the door, coat off and to my bedroom, before I heard my youngest’s – my four-year-old’s – my little insomniac’s – door open.
I wondered if she’d been waiting to hear me.
And, if so, for how long.
Her: “Hi, Mommy! Are you going to watch TV?”
Me: “Yes, you want to come snuggle with me?”
We snuggled down on the couch. Me to a late dinner. Her to a snack. Her on my lap.
With her bunny and stuffed Maleficent.
Nothing about me being late. Just happy I was there. With her.
She was good watching my show. Or, really, with me watching my show. She mostly just wanted to cuddle.
A few smiles, a few comments. Then she fell asleep on my lap.
Exactly what I needed.
There are countless times I do what she needs. What everyone else needs.
But last night?
It was like she knew.
I needed a soft quiet moment for me – but with her too.
Those are the moments I want to remember.