There. I said it.

I already feel … lighter.

Well, at least lighter than I did after making the mistake of going on the Internet around New Year’s Resolution time.

Among other things?

I found this cat:

And discovered that the taco cleanse is a real thing.

Neither discovery contributed to weight loss.

I also came across any number of friends, strangers, bloggers, and well … everyone … (re)committing to fitness, weight loss and offering tips galore on how to become a better you.

So here’s where I let everyone in on my secret.

I know how to lose weight. And as a former athlete, I know how to exercise.

As a 38-year-old woman, I’ve been on the diet train a few times.

Basics? Fewer calories in than out.

After that? I figure all the advice in the world (don’t drink your calories! bagels and cream cheese are NEVER worth it! Gummy candies and wine are the devil!) basically boils down to this:

And watch my portions.

While getting plenty of sleep.

Sure, metabolism slows as you get older and hormones can throw a pretty wicked wrench in there at times, but in theory, it’s all pretty straightforward.

That said?

There are times in my life that I can’t be bothered.

Because simply put?

It’s too hard.

The last 2.5 years would be one of those times.

Coming out of my second mat leave I was in the best shape I’d been in years.

Six months on Weight Watchers and another few months of meticulous maintenance.

I even made it to boot camp at least one morning a week + a weekly run.

I ran a number of 10Ks that summer.

Health and fitness was under control as I re-entered the workforce.

And … yeah.

It was pretty much downhill from there.

They say it just takes planning, right?

Well, between making bus drop off in the morning and daycare pickup in the evening, with a full day’s work in the middle and sometimes before and after followed by the homework and after-school activity gauntlet?

While I TOTALLY know how to cook all sorts of healthy stuff?

It just didn’t happen and we slowly returned to Frozen Pizza, Skillet Sensation and Take-out Land.

And after a jam-packed week?

The last thing I wanted to spend my weekend doing was meal planning, grocery shopping and bulk cooking in addition to the regularly required basic housecleaning and other scheduled activities.

So yeah. Sometimes in addition to the frozen pizza dinner, that bottle of wine, that extra serving, and all that cheese (I LOVE CHEESE) …

… really DID taste better than skinny feels.

I knew the calorie content.

I knew how many bazillion miles I’d have to run to break even.

I knew every poor choice adds up.

But I was still having another (3) glass(es) until the moment I was ready to, well, not.

And that moment?

That’s hard to get to.

Because making those changes – and all the planning and work involved with it – is hard.

So, to get back to today’s post title, that’s why I don’t care about your diet.

Because I’m not changing mine until I’m ready to.

No mountain of facts, or proof, or claims that “I can too!” will make me want to try.

Because when the rest of life overwhelms?

Well? There she is, beckoning:

And given even “Skinny Grape” Pinot Grigio comes in at 80 calories a glass, I’m under no delusions as to the impact of that – and other – habits.

So, almost three years out from the end of that mat leave, while I’m not back where I started and have kept some better habits (I really don’t eat bagels and cream cheese anymore and avoid gummy candies) I’m out a few belt notches and up a few sizes.

Where does that leave me now, you ask?

Well, if YOU care about MY diet, beginning in February and then over three months I’ve signed up with a lifestyle program. Through weekly classes the group will cover weight loss, nutrition, exercise, time management etc… and then individually we each work with a Health Coach and Personal Trainer with the aim of finding the right mix of habits that work for our own life in a lasting and sustainable way.

I think it sounds promising. That, or possibly starting to order in home cooked healthy meals, which I’m also seriously starting to consider.

I may blog about my progress – so if you’d like to hear more about it, check in again next month. Maybe this will be what leads me to find the gradual lifestyle change that will work for my current life stage.

If so, I really think you should get in at the ground level of this here epic (forever?) journey.

Happy New Year!